“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that fits all cases.” (Carl Jung)
In my experience I have found this to be so true and as a new blog writer I feel like I would like to tattoo this across the top of my page as a disclaimer. I don’t want anyone to think I am suggesting that I have all the answers or that my way of being and thinking is the absolute right way. I know that my shoes don’t fit everyone.
Blogging isn’t really safe; it’s not exactly in my comfort zone. It feels like I am broadcasting to the world who I really am. I know a handful of people who don’t even care for facebook because to them it is too self-disclosing. They feel there’s too much personal information being put out there. Blog writing, even more than social networking, really is a bit of a risk. It’s inevitable that eventually someone will disagree with something that I say and get offended or maybe judge me for it.
I was talking about this with one of my closest friends recently. I told her of my concerns regarding the potential for offending people with what I write. She reminded me of the fact that just about anything you can say will offend somebody somewhere. She exaggerated her point by saying that I could write something as innocuous as “the sky is blue” and somebody somewhere will be offended by that. The next day, my husband expressed the same thing in different words. Even so, it is not my intention to ruffle anyone’s feathers. So, why am I opening myself up like this and making myself vulnerable to rejection?
After twenty years of giving my focus to my children and their needs, I am now transitioning into a new phase of life where I have lots of free personal time. This new blogging endeavor comes from wanting a creative outlet that combines my love for spiritual psychology with my love for writing. Having a blog inspires and motivates me to write more often. I have certain interests that I am passionate about and those are the things I like to write about. Because of the nature of my interests and because it makes it more interesting to read, some self-disclosure is involved which can be disconcerting to me. But I have greatly appreciated other people’s willingness to be open and transparent with me and I have been so empowered by it. I hope that in some way I might be able to do the same for others. Besides, I like thinking out loud and having others join me in the conversation. Writing things that people find helpful and/or like to discuss is the ultimate of fun and fulfillment for me. Therefore, I have decided that the risk is worth it.
When I was in kindergarten my teacher told my mother that I was a perfectionist and that if I didn’t think I could do something perfectly, I wouldn’t attempt it at all. “There are those who are so scrupulously afraid of doing wrong that they seldom venture to do anything.” (Vauvenargues) I’ve worked hard (and am still working) to get past those tendencies and attitudes. As Wayne Gretsky said, you’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
I hope I’m done playing it safe. I want to at least attempt those shots. I would venture to guess that those who pursue their dreams and fail, still live more fulfilling lives than those who because of fear of failure or fear of judgment or fear of offending never attempt to pursue them at all.
If taking a risk like this isn’t your thing, I understand. You have different shoes than me. But if there is something that you long to try but are afraid to, I encourage you to go for it. Why not go out on that limb? I think that’s where the fruit is.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Wholeness
I was a little bit of a wild child when I was a teenager. My high school friends who are reading this will probably nod their heads and smile. In college I mellowed out a bit. Leaving the dysfunctional environment of my home life and starting out fresh in a new place was heavenly for me. But, my early twenties were still pretty – shall we say – eventful. As a fifty year-old now looking back I am amazed at all that I managed to survive.
Then, as often happens, the pendulum swung completely in the opposite direction. I got involved with fundamentalist Christianity. I didn’t just dabble in it either. I was really in to it. In fact, I was in to it for 20 years! It’s a very typical reaction for people who come from dysfunctional families with chaotic emotions to seek comfort and safety in a structured system that tells them how to think and behave. (That's not to say that's the case with everyone who is attracted to fundamentalism, though.) I really liked it there for awhile but as my forties rolled in along with the typical mid-life angst, I did some major soul-searching and realized I wasn’t living authentically. (Note: to my wonderful evangelical friends who I love so much – I don’t think that it’s not good for everyone. As you know, there are things about it that I don’t think are healthy but it seems to be ok for some people. For various reasons it just wasn’t resonating with me. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. This was just my own personal experience.)
One of my favorite quotes is by the famous psychologist Carl Jung. He said, “I’d rather be whole than good.” It’s possible to strive to be good at the expense of being whole. Ultimately, you can become dishonest and repress parts of yourself that need to be owned. Two of the best books I’ve ever read were “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” and “Why Good People Do Bad Things” by Debbie Ford. (She has recently co-authored a new book called “The Shadow” which I’m sure will be similar.) Debbie brilliantly elaborates on Carl Jung’s theory of the shadow which refers to those parts of ourselves that we’d rather not portray or that we’d rather not admit to. But, as Debbie says, what we resist persists and when we suppress our dark side in an attempt to show the world only the bright side of our persona, we go dangerously out of balance. Ironically, by repressing the dark side of ourselves we are only inviting it to manifest itself in unhealthy ways.
In my experience with conservative Christianity I really noticed how this played out. It seemed incongruous that people so focused on morality were so outrageously immoral according to their own standards. In my twenty years among the flock, every church I was a member of had major scandals of some sort and it seemed that the more legalistically religious the church, the greater the scandals. I witnessed three pastors extramarital affairs, one pastor’s prostitution scandal, one pastor’s kidnapping/battery/drug arrest, the same pastor’s strip club visits being broadcast on the local news, two pastors embezzling money from the church offering, one music minister’s male prostitution arrest, and one Christian school principal’s and two Sunday School teacher’s pedophilia. (Those were just the church leaders; I won’t go in to the regular lay people’s issues!) I could write a book about my experiences and what all I think was going on there psychologically but one of the main reasons to which I attribute all of that craziness was an imbalance of portraying goodness at the expense of seeking wholeness. Putting on the good Christian front and not owning the unacceptable aspects of our humanity requires a lot of energy. We can exhaust ourselves when we try not to be something. Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball under water? What about three beach balls at one time? It’s difficult and similarly the more aspects of ourselves that we are repressing the more likely they are to eventually rise up, shooting out of the water and manifest as something that we really don’t want. Ironically, it is in denying or shaming our dark side that makes it activate. It’s also why we project it on to other people. (See my post about projection.) Of course I’m not suggesting that we embrace the dark side and live like hell. I’m saying that there is a balance that we should seek in order to live our lives in wholeness. This is a very illuminating theory to study and I can’t do it justice in the amount of time and space that I have here. If you find it intriguing, I highly recommend Debbie Ford’s books. She goes in to great detail about what we can do to achieve wholeness.
It all comes down to the fact that knowing what I know now, if given the choice, I would rather be whole than good. Paradoxically, it’s in our wholeness that our goodness actually has a chance to shine.
Then, as often happens, the pendulum swung completely in the opposite direction. I got involved with fundamentalist Christianity. I didn’t just dabble in it either. I was really in to it. In fact, I was in to it for 20 years! It’s a very typical reaction for people who come from dysfunctional families with chaotic emotions to seek comfort and safety in a structured system that tells them how to think and behave. (That's not to say that's the case with everyone who is attracted to fundamentalism, though.) I really liked it there for awhile but as my forties rolled in along with the typical mid-life angst, I did some major soul-searching and realized I wasn’t living authentically. (Note: to my wonderful evangelical friends who I love so much – I don’t think that it’s not good for everyone. As you know, there are things about it that I don’t think are healthy but it seems to be ok for some people. For various reasons it just wasn’t resonating with me. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. This was just my own personal experience.)
One of my favorite quotes is by the famous psychologist Carl Jung. He said, “I’d rather be whole than good.” It’s possible to strive to be good at the expense of being whole. Ultimately, you can become dishonest and repress parts of yourself that need to be owned. Two of the best books I’ve ever read were “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” and “Why Good People Do Bad Things” by Debbie Ford. (She has recently co-authored a new book called “The Shadow” which I’m sure will be similar.) Debbie brilliantly elaborates on Carl Jung’s theory of the shadow which refers to those parts of ourselves that we’d rather not portray or that we’d rather not admit to. But, as Debbie says, what we resist persists and when we suppress our dark side in an attempt to show the world only the bright side of our persona, we go dangerously out of balance. Ironically, by repressing the dark side of ourselves we are only inviting it to manifest itself in unhealthy ways.
In my experience with conservative Christianity I really noticed how this played out. It seemed incongruous that people so focused on morality were so outrageously immoral according to their own standards. In my twenty years among the flock, every church I was a member of had major scandals of some sort and it seemed that the more legalistically religious the church, the greater the scandals. I witnessed three pastors extramarital affairs, one pastor’s prostitution scandal, one pastor’s kidnapping/battery/drug arrest, the same pastor’s strip club visits being broadcast on the local news, two pastors embezzling money from the church offering, one music minister’s male prostitution arrest, and one Christian school principal’s and two Sunday School teacher’s pedophilia. (Those were just the church leaders; I won’t go in to the regular lay people’s issues!) I could write a book about my experiences and what all I think was going on there psychologically but one of the main reasons to which I attribute all of that craziness was an imbalance of portraying goodness at the expense of seeking wholeness. Putting on the good Christian front and not owning the unacceptable aspects of our humanity requires a lot of energy. We can exhaust ourselves when we try not to be something. Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball under water? What about three beach balls at one time? It’s difficult and similarly the more aspects of ourselves that we are repressing the more likely they are to eventually rise up, shooting out of the water and manifest as something that we really don’t want. Ironically, it is in denying or shaming our dark side that makes it activate. It’s also why we project it on to other people. (See my post about projection.) Of course I’m not suggesting that we embrace the dark side and live like hell. I’m saying that there is a balance that we should seek in order to live our lives in wholeness. This is a very illuminating theory to study and I can’t do it justice in the amount of time and space that I have here. If you find it intriguing, I highly recommend Debbie Ford’s books. She goes in to great detail about what we can do to achieve wholeness.
It all comes down to the fact that knowing what I know now, if given the choice, I would rather be whole than good. Paradoxically, it’s in our wholeness that our goodness actually has a chance to shine.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Projection
I always thought that Sigmund Freud was kind of a strange guy. He had some weird theories that have fallen out of favor with the modern psychiatric community but on the other hand he had many ideas that have withstood the tests of time. Projection is one of those and one that Carl Jung and others have elaborated on. It is also one that I find extremely fascinating.
There are different kinds of projection but when referring to projection as a defense mechanism, it is defined as unconsciously denying attributes, thoughts, or feelings about ourselves and ascribing them onto others. It is a tactic used by the ego to protect us from anxiety. We all do it; it’s universal. While at first it may be tempting to deny its reality and discount it as psychobabble, I think it’s much more beneficial to acknowledge it and allow it to enlighten us.
There are classic examples of projection in the media. One is the minister who passionately opposed homosexuality and then later admitted to having had a homosexual affair. Another example from the news recently is the politician who worked to eradicate prostitution and then got arrested for having numerous sexual liaisons with prostitutes. When we hear about these things we are struck by the hypocrisy but when you understand projection, it doesn’t seem all that unusual.
Those are rather extreme examples of projection, but what about the ordinary garden variety that most of us deal with? How do we know when we are projecting? The major clue is when there is an emotional charge, when it feels like someone is pushing our buttons. Anything that we strongly dislike about someone else should send up a red flag. Whatever it is that we don’t like about them probably will seem the opposite of how we perceive ourselves to be. On the surface that may be true, but in reality it could be an unconscious characteristic about our self that we are denying, or one that we subconsciously fear that we have or have a potential for. Similarly, if we are accused of being something and it really strikes a nerve in us, we might want to take a look at that. It reminds me of a line that is often quoted from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, “methinks she doth protest too much.” Someone who protests too much that something about them is untrue should cause us to wonder if it actually is true.
I have issues with judgment (which you may have noticed in previous posts!) I see judgment everywhere. I struggle with judgmental people and I strive to be a nonjudgmental person. But, as the theory suggests, I must be judgmental, otherwise I wouldn’t be projecting it everywhere. It wouldn’t be such a hot issue for me if it weren’t an attribute of mine. If I didn’t have a judgmental bone in my body, I would hardly notice judgmental behavior or attitudes in other people. Things would just go in one ear and out the other. I might observe it but it wouldn’t really bother me. There’s an expression that goes along with this: “if you spot it, you’ve got it!” People understandably have a hard time believing this is true. It makes them confront the fact that the very thing they hate may be a part of them. If I stand on my soapbox and preach against judgment, the last thing I want to admit is that I am judgmental!
Why is it helpful to know I am projecting? Because when I know about projection it makes me stop and examine my emotional triggers. In my case, knowing about projection should cause me to stop and look at where I might be judgmental in my own life. It takes the focus off other people and what I think they are doing wrong and puts it back on me. It causes me to concern myself with the log in my own eye before I attempt to remove the speck from someone else’s. It softens my heart toward other people. It serves to lessen my anger or irritation with them if I realize I struggle with the same thing. In the long run, I will be better off owning this previously disowned part of myself and may even find a time when being judgmental is useful or acceptable. After awhile, my perceived judgmentalism in other people fades and empathy takes its place. And, I would rather be in a position of empathy and kindness than in a place of irritation and anger. It feels so much better!
There are different kinds of projection but when referring to projection as a defense mechanism, it is defined as unconsciously denying attributes, thoughts, or feelings about ourselves and ascribing them onto others. It is a tactic used by the ego to protect us from anxiety. We all do it; it’s universal. While at first it may be tempting to deny its reality and discount it as psychobabble, I think it’s much more beneficial to acknowledge it and allow it to enlighten us.
There are classic examples of projection in the media. One is the minister who passionately opposed homosexuality and then later admitted to having had a homosexual affair. Another example from the news recently is the politician who worked to eradicate prostitution and then got arrested for having numerous sexual liaisons with prostitutes. When we hear about these things we are struck by the hypocrisy but when you understand projection, it doesn’t seem all that unusual.
Those are rather extreme examples of projection, but what about the ordinary garden variety that most of us deal with? How do we know when we are projecting? The major clue is when there is an emotional charge, when it feels like someone is pushing our buttons. Anything that we strongly dislike about someone else should send up a red flag. Whatever it is that we don’t like about them probably will seem the opposite of how we perceive ourselves to be. On the surface that may be true, but in reality it could be an unconscious characteristic about our self that we are denying, or one that we subconsciously fear that we have or have a potential for. Similarly, if we are accused of being something and it really strikes a nerve in us, we might want to take a look at that. It reminds me of a line that is often quoted from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, “methinks she doth protest too much.” Someone who protests too much that something about them is untrue should cause us to wonder if it actually is true.
I have issues with judgment (which you may have noticed in previous posts!) I see judgment everywhere. I struggle with judgmental people and I strive to be a nonjudgmental person. But, as the theory suggests, I must be judgmental, otherwise I wouldn’t be projecting it everywhere. It wouldn’t be such a hot issue for me if it weren’t an attribute of mine. If I didn’t have a judgmental bone in my body, I would hardly notice judgmental behavior or attitudes in other people. Things would just go in one ear and out the other. I might observe it but it wouldn’t really bother me. There’s an expression that goes along with this: “if you spot it, you’ve got it!” People understandably have a hard time believing this is true. It makes them confront the fact that the very thing they hate may be a part of them. If I stand on my soapbox and preach against judgment, the last thing I want to admit is that I am judgmental!
Why is it helpful to know I am projecting? Because when I know about projection it makes me stop and examine my emotional triggers. In my case, knowing about projection should cause me to stop and look at where I might be judgmental in my own life. It takes the focus off other people and what I think they are doing wrong and puts it back on me. It causes me to concern myself with the log in my own eye before I attempt to remove the speck from someone else’s. It softens my heart toward other people. It serves to lessen my anger or irritation with them if I realize I struggle with the same thing. In the long run, I will be better off owning this previously disowned part of myself and may even find a time when being judgmental is useful or acceptable. After awhile, my perceived judgmentalism in other people fades and empathy takes its place. And, I would rather be in a position of empathy and kindness than in a place of irritation and anger. It feels so much better!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Spiritual Changes
An interesting question: What do you do when the god of the “belief system” from which you have been taught doesn’t line up with the God you have come to know personally?
A. You can reject the belief system entirely.
B. You can reject the God you’ve come to know…in which case the “Belief System” becomes your god.
C. You can attempt to force the God you’ve come to know to fit within the belief system.
D. You can appreciate the belief system for what it was in your life – a springboard for learning to know God…revel in the beauty of its symbolism, rather than take everything about it literally…and remain there or move on to something else knowing that the finite mind cannot begin to comprehend all that is God…God isn’t required to fit within the confines of any structure.
At different times in my life I’ve dabbled in all of the above. When I came to a major crisis of faith I was tempted to go with choice A, but I kept hearing a still small voice saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.”
I also believe for a period in my life I ignored my intuition and went with choice B. Sometimes it’s easier, more convenient, and affirming to go along with the group that has become your tribe than it is to embrace your authentic leanings. When it was apparent to me that the belief system wasn’t worthy of being my God, I went with choice C.
Choice C. Leaving the tribe seemed out of the question. I need their support, their love, their friendship, so I attempted to force the God I’d come to know to fit within the boundaries of the belief system that I was a part of. The problem is you can’t put God in a box no matter how hard you try.
This led me to choice D, which is where I am today. I didn’t leave the tribe all together but I am camping with a different group that is more compatible. I’ve come to realize that God’s truth can come in multiple forms and it is my intention to live with and enjoy the mystery of God and release obsessive strivings to figure it all out.
A. You can reject the belief system entirely.
B. You can reject the God you’ve come to know…in which case the “Belief System” becomes your god.
C. You can attempt to force the God you’ve come to know to fit within the belief system.
D. You can appreciate the belief system for what it was in your life – a springboard for learning to know God…revel in the beauty of its symbolism, rather than take everything about it literally…and remain there or move on to something else knowing that the finite mind cannot begin to comprehend all that is God…God isn’t required to fit within the confines of any structure.
At different times in my life I’ve dabbled in all of the above. When I came to a major crisis of faith I was tempted to go with choice A, but I kept hearing a still small voice saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.”
I also believe for a period in my life I ignored my intuition and went with choice B. Sometimes it’s easier, more convenient, and affirming to go along with the group that has become your tribe than it is to embrace your authentic leanings. When it was apparent to me that the belief system wasn’t worthy of being my God, I went with choice C.
Choice C. Leaving the tribe seemed out of the question. I need their support, their love, their friendship, so I attempted to force the God I’d come to know to fit within the boundaries of the belief system that I was a part of. The problem is you can’t put God in a box no matter how hard you try.
This led me to choice D, which is where I am today. I didn’t leave the tribe all together but I am camping with a different group that is more compatible. I’ve come to realize that God’s truth can come in multiple forms and it is my intention to live with and enjoy the mystery of God and release obsessive strivings to figure it all out.
Preferential Bias
As a recent student of a stock market course I came across an interesting concept regarding trading psychology that actually can be applied to life in general. It’s called preferential bias. It means that once investors develop a preference for a particular trade, they sometimes will distort additional information to support their view. It can cause an otherwise conscientious investor to ignore how a stock is really performing. They search for opinions that agree with their own, ignoring or discounting those that disagree. It comes from a natural human instinct to impose patterns and predict our world. Sometimes this can be helpful but if you’re unaware of it, it can often be detrimental. Objectivity is necessary in the stock market and in life.
Can you relate? Does it sound familiar? I’ve seen this especially in people’s opinions regarding politics and religion. It’s what I attribute to the extreme polarization of the right and left. People’s preferential biases can cause them to put blinders on, only seeing or acknowledging the information that supports their viewpoint. They seek out and surround themselves with people whose opinions match their own, reinforcing and strengthening their preconceptions.
In religion, it can be down right dangerous. Preferential bias can lead to extremism or fanaticism. The guys that flew the airplanes into the twin towers on 9/11 didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to be terrorists. Years earlier someone taught them something that they developed a preferential bias for. They surrounded themselves with others with the same bias. They ignored all outside information and perhaps their own intuition that told them that the ideology they were buying into wasn’t right. As time went by they got deeper and deeper into it, becoming more and more extreme and well, you know how that ended. An opinion or belief evolved into a preferential bias which evolved into radical fanaticism which ultimately became deadly.
Of course I am not suggesting that we refrain from having opinions. What I am suggesting is what the stock market experts teach. Be aware of the human tendency for preferential bias. None of us are immune to it. We need to keep ourselves from distorting or ignoring information out there that doesn’t support our views. An unexamined life is not worth living and awareness is the key to keeping ourselves on track.
Can you relate? Does it sound familiar? I’ve seen this especially in people’s opinions regarding politics and religion. It’s what I attribute to the extreme polarization of the right and left. People’s preferential biases can cause them to put blinders on, only seeing or acknowledging the information that supports their viewpoint. They seek out and surround themselves with people whose opinions match their own, reinforcing and strengthening their preconceptions.
In religion, it can be down right dangerous. Preferential bias can lead to extremism or fanaticism. The guys that flew the airplanes into the twin towers on 9/11 didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to be terrorists. Years earlier someone taught them something that they developed a preferential bias for. They surrounded themselves with others with the same bias. They ignored all outside information and perhaps their own intuition that told them that the ideology they were buying into wasn’t right. As time went by they got deeper and deeper into it, becoming more and more extreme and well, you know how that ended. An opinion or belief evolved into a preferential bias which evolved into radical fanaticism which ultimately became deadly.
Of course I am not suggesting that we refrain from having opinions. What I am suggesting is what the stock market experts teach. Be aware of the human tendency for preferential bias. None of us are immune to it. We need to keep ourselves from distorting or ignoring information out there that doesn’t support our views. An unexamined life is not worth living and awareness is the key to keeping ourselves on track.
Inspiration from the Redwoods
“Redwoods are inclusive beings – as they grow they incorporate into their basic structure objects around them, including rocks and other trees. Although redwoods have shallow roots they are noted for their strength and longevity because they share their roots with others. Each individual tree is invited into the whole and, in turn, helps support the entire group. This adaptation appears to have worked, for redwoods are among the oldest living things on earth.” (Sue Patton Thoele)
Like the redwoods we are all connected and when we are a part of a mutually supportive network of people, we are empowered. Statistics show that people who have a support system are much healthier and happier and it is one of the most important factors in promoting longevity. Cancer patients with a support group are much more likely to recover than those who are without a support group. In business, teamwork will produce a better result than individuals working independently. United we stand, divided we fall. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts and by watering others we water ourselves.
Like the redwoods we are all connected and when we are a part of a mutually supportive network of people, we are empowered. Statistics show that people who have a support system are much healthier and happier and it is one of the most important factors in promoting longevity. Cancer patients with a support group are much more likely to recover than those who are without a support group. In business, teamwork will produce a better result than individuals working independently. United we stand, divided we fall. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts and by watering others we water ourselves.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Some Thoughts on Prejudice and Judgment
I was thinking the other day how some people pride themselves on embracing racial diversity but then turn around and harshly judge people of a different political party. I’m not talking about disagreeing with someone’s political position. I mean deciding you don’t like someone based on their political party or deciding that something that someone is saying lacks credibility based on their political background.
Race isn’t the only area where prejudice exists. Think of all the areas where we are prone to prejudging people; race, religion, sexual preference, and politics are the obvious ones but what about some less obvious areas. I know many people who are judgmental towards those who have been determined by society or the medical community to be overweight. What about people with tattoos and piercings? Do you think they’re ever stereotyped? I myself have noticed that I have used the word “bimbo” a couple of times in conversation lately to describe certain young women. Sounds a little judgy, doesn’t it? Even the young and beautiful are judged. But, the area where I struggle with judging the most is with people who I think are judgmental. Ironically, I am intolerant of intolerance! (Oops, that’s a little hypocritical, isn’t it?)
Let’s face it. We all judge (and if you think you don’t, think again.) It’s a part of being human. But rather than embracing our judgments and making them a part of our identity or creed I think we need to consider the alternative. Let’s examine ourselves. Who would we be without our judgmental thoughts? Seriously, try to imagine it. Whoever it is that you have a tendency to judge, picture yourself not having those thoughts about them. Who would you be and what would you feel like without those thoughts? Free? Clear? Kind? Happy? Those thoughts aren’t only harmful to the people they are aimed at. They are harmful to you as well…probably even more so. Give yourself a wonderful gift and set yourself free. If you find yourself having a judgmental thought, ask yourself “Who would I be without this thought? What would I be like?” Visualizing yourself without that thought and imagining how it would feel is often enough to let it go. It simply evaporates. And it feels so much better to be without it! (If that doesn’t do it for you, I highly recommend Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is.”)
The diversity of God’s garden is a blessing to enjoy, not a problem to endure. I read a wonderful quote today by Rev. Linda McNamar. She said “Just as there is a wide variety in music, from jazz to classical, from rock to rap, the way we express our individual songs of life provides a rich diversity of experience. When we express who we genuinely are, in harmony with others, the world is blessed. Let’s rejoice in our diversity and praise it!”
Race isn’t the only area where prejudice exists. Think of all the areas where we are prone to prejudging people; race, religion, sexual preference, and politics are the obvious ones but what about some less obvious areas. I know many people who are judgmental towards those who have been determined by society or the medical community to be overweight. What about people with tattoos and piercings? Do you think they’re ever stereotyped? I myself have noticed that I have used the word “bimbo” a couple of times in conversation lately to describe certain young women. Sounds a little judgy, doesn’t it? Even the young and beautiful are judged. But, the area where I struggle with judging the most is with people who I think are judgmental. Ironically, I am intolerant of intolerance! (Oops, that’s a little hypocritical, isn’t it?)
Let’s face it. We all judge (and if you think you don’t, think again.) It’s a part of being human. But rather than embracing our judgments and making them a part of our identity or creed I think we need to consider the alternative. Let’s examine ourselves. Who would we be without our judgmental thoughts? Seriously, try to imagine it. Whoever it is that you have a tendency to judge, picture yourself not having those thoughts about them. Who would you be and what would you feel like without those thoughts? Free? Clear? Kind? Happy? Those thoughts aren’t only harmful to the people they are aimed at. They are harmful to you as well…probably even more so. Give yourself a wonderful gift and set yourself free. If you find yourself having a judgmental thought, ask yourself “Who would I be without this thought? What would I be like?” Visualizing yourself without that thought and imagining how it would feel is often enough to let it go. It simply evaporates. And it feels so much better to be without it! (If that doesn’t do it for you, I highly recommend Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is.”)
The diversity of God’s garden is a blessing to enjoy, not a problem to endure. I read a wonderful quote today by Rev. Linda McNamar. She said “Just as there is a wide variety in music, from jazz to classical, from rock to rap, the way we express our individual songs of life provides a rich diversity of experience. When we express who we genuinely are, in harmony with others, the world is blessed. Let’s rejoice in our diversity and praise it!”
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